Wednesday, September 9, 2009

For the Love of "Game"



Dear Bed Bugs,
I like a group that perseveres.

Dear Sex drive,
Thanks for going away. I was wondering when I was going to get some work done. It seems that my schedule would be wide open, once my legs were not. Awesome.

Dear Shakira,
HOLY SHIT. The video "She Wolf" WOW. I don't know whats worse, my zoophilia or my lesbianism.

Dear L.A.,
In NY you are that girl who everyone talks shit about in High School, who is really pretty and popular and gets good grades. And even though the same people talking shit act like they know you, they don't have the balls to meet you.

Dear Generation,
How can you be so focused on the Jews VS Muslims feud, when there is a perfectly good, ongoing, Mariah VS Eminem Feud.

Dear Me,
Your ass looks good, don't worry. Remember what that guy in Bushwick said, "STSSS!"

Dear Mom,
Thanks for taking my dog away. I'm glad you did it when you did, otherwise my broke ass would have eaten her by now.

Dear Steven,
NO. I DON'T EVER WANT TO SEE YOUR BAND. I NEVER WANTED TO SEE YOUR BAND PLAY. THE FIRST TIME YOU ASKED I SAID YES, BUT ONLY TO BE POLITE. BUT SOMEONE JUST COULDN'T BE HAPPY WITH THE OBLIGATORY AGREEMENT I WAS OFFERING. YOU DROVE ME TO THIS. YOU. I DON'T LIKE SKA.

Dear Guy,
Sure I'll go on a date with you. If you're buying I'll have the pork chop. If I'm buying, it must be a hypothetical joke.

Dear Annie,
How long before we're famous? And once we are, can we still share a room?

Dear Crowd at The Creek last night,
Thanks for being there, all 7 of you.

Dear Anybody,
PLEASE HIRE ME.

Dear Reader,
If you have a job for me, I have a potential Snickers for you.

Dear Tattoo,
Why can't you just be like every guy I've ever dated and go away?

Dear Growth Spurt,
Even I've never been this late to something.

Dear Bukowski,
You were right. I know by first hand experience.

Dear Brain,
You've been working really well today. Pants are on, I've eaten, and I haven't slurred once today.

Dear Snow White,
Wishing doesn't work. Crying doesn't work. Sudmission doesn't work. That outfit definitely didn't work. Lessons learned though, right?

Dear Spy VS Spy,
Y'all are like, so best friends. Your energy is better spent at Claire's picking out Yin Yang necklaces.

Dear Google,
Of course meant Doug E doug. Thanks.

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